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5 ways to be sexually intimate after a long, tiring day

It’s a stressful world out there. Work, family, friends, hobbies – all of these things can drain us sometimes, even if they also delight us. That’s a normal part of being human.

But what happens if you want to get sexy with your partner after a busy, exhausting day? You don’t have to give up on that dream just because you lack the energy sex normally calls for. Here are 5 ways to connect sexually with your partner when one or both of you are overtaxed and under-rested…

1. Phone sex

Can’t even muster the strength to go over to your partner’s place, or have them over to yours? No problem! Phone sex is always an option. It may seem old-fashioned compared to sexting and cybersex, but old-school phone sex offers the thrill of real-time communiqué and the intimacy of actually hearing your partner’s reactions, instead of just reading them off a screen.

It’s a lower-energy alternative to in-person sex, because you don’t have to actually do all the naughty things you’re fantasizing about – you can simply talk about doing them! Incorporating sex toys makes it even easier to find pleasure in phone sex, even when you can barely stand up from exhaustion.

2. Watch porn together

Even if you don’t have the energy to act on the arousal it creates in you, it can still be fun to watch porn with a partner. One of you can curate a playlist, or you can each bring a few favorite clips to the table. Maybe you’ll discover a new kink or activity that you’ll want to incorporate into your sex life sometime in the future!

3. Mutual masturbation

Masturbating together can be surprisingly intimate even though you’re each just touching yourself. It’s a great activity for people who enjoy voyeurism and/or exhibitionism, and it can also teach you about how your partner likes to be touched.

For many people, getting themselves off is easier and quicker than getting someone else off, because they’ve simply done it way more times in their life. That’s what makes mutual masturbation a fantastic activity for low-energy evenings.

4. Massage

If you’re way too tired to be active but your partner still has some energy left in ‘em, maybe they’d like to give you a long, slow massage to help melt the tension out of your body. And if that massage happens to conclude with a “happy ending,” well, so much the better. (Don’t forget the massage oil!)

5. Sex toys

Most technology is designed to make human life easier in some way, and sex toys are no exception! Whether you’re using a vibrator to tease your partner into bliss, sliding a glass dildo inside them to fill them up, or pleasuring their cock with a stroker, it’s likely you’ll find that using sex toys is a lower-effort option than using your hands or mouth – and sometimes that’s what you need.

How do you like to connect with your partner sexually when one or both of you are tired out?


Kate Sloan is a journalist, blogger, podcaster, and educator who has been writing about sex online and in print for over five years. She writes about sex, kink, relationships, fashion, beauty, writing, and mental health. She has been voted a Sex Blogging Superhero for four years running, and her words reach over 22,000 sex nerds, weirdos and queerdos every month. As a journalist and essayist, Kate has written for Glamour, Teen Vogue, Daily Xtra, the Establishment, Maisonneuve, Herizons, the Plaid Zebra, xoJane, and more.

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