You are currently viewing How to have phone sex
Phone Sex

How to have phone sex

Phone sex, surely, is an activity nearly as old as the phone itself. After all, when humans invent a new technology, we tend to co-opt it for sexy purposes as soon as we possibly can!

But today, in the age of sexting, FaceTime sex, and Zoom orgies, phone sex has fallen by the wayside for many people – so why not revisit it? If you’re burned out from video calls, or have come to associate them with work, audio-only may be a better medium when you’re trying to get into a sexy headspace. It’s also a wonderful skill to have in your back pocket for times when you need to be separated from your partner for a while, whether during a brief business trip or a long-distance relationship lasting years.

Here are some phone sex tips for beginners…

Choose your medium wisely. If the actual phone is all you’ve got, use that! But if you both have internet access, there are higher-quality audio formats out there. FaceTime allows for audio calls that sound noticeably better than a regular phone call, for example, as does Skype and even Discord. Once you hear your partner’s whispers and moans in high fidelity, you’ll never want to go back!

Free up your hands. While there can be something kind of intimate about physically holding a phone against your face while you murmur sweet things into it, at some point you’re probably gonna want the full use of your hands. Get yourself a pair of earbuds with a built-in mic, whether wireless or wired – or even one of those headsets Twitch streamers use, if you want to get serious about it!

Porn can help. If you both load up the same porn clip on your respective devices, you can press “play” at the same time and watch the video together. It may work best to pick a clip that depicts an activity you often do together, or one you wish you could do right now. If all goes well, it’ll get you both in the mood, no touching required.

Experiment with initiations. “What would you do to me right now if I was there?” is a classic. You could try “You know what I’ve been fantasizing about a lot lately?” and bring up either a new favorite imagined scenario or an old memory of the two of you together. Or you could simply say, “I miss your [kisses/curves/hands/mouth],” and see how they respond.

Don’t forget flirting and foreplay. Although it can be tempting to jump straight into “Hey baby, what are you wearing?” when you’re revved up, phone sex often benefits from being approached like in-person sex: gently and gradually. Make flirty jokes with your partner, compliment them, make them feel desired. Talk about kissing them, touching them, and whatever else you like to do before sex begins. Time spent building arousal is never time wasted!

Try different narratives and approaches. Some people’s phone sex involves describing what they would do if they were together; some people prefer to talk about past sexual memories; some spin wild stories about over-the-top fantasies that might never come to pass in real life; some act out roleplays in real-time. If one approach makes you feel nervous or awkward, try a different one!

Be vocal. Even if you’re not much of a moaner IRL, you may need to step it up a bit for phone sex. Be more vocally demonstrative about what you’re feeling, thinking, and doing – your partner will appreciate the window into your experience!

Feeling silly is okay. Just giggle about it and continue. A lot of sexual acts feel vulnerable and strange when you first start doing them, but they get easier with time, practice, and full commitment to the task. (If you feel like your partner isn’t taking phone sex as seriously as you are, that’d be worth having a conversation about – you deserve someone who wants to keep your sex life as spicy as you do, even from a distance!)

Don’t forget aftercare. Just like sex in-person, sex over the phone (especially kinky sex) can sometimes result in a feeling of “drop” if you say goodbye too quickly once it’s done. Spend some time after phone sex doing the long-distance equivalent of cuddling and pillow talk – chatting about what just happened, complimenting each other, and saying lovey-dovey things until you’re ready to say goodnight.

Have you ever had phone sex? What advice do you have about it?

katewritesaboutsex

Kate Sloan is a journalist, blogger, podcaster, and educator who has been writing about sex online and in print for over five years. She writes about sex, kink, relationships, fashion, beauty, writing, and mental health. She has been voted a Kinkly.com Sex Blogging Superhero for four years running, and her words reach over 22,000 sex nerds, weirdos and queerdos every month. As a journalist and essayist, Kate has written for Glamour, Teen Vogue, Daily Xtra, the Establishment, Maisonneuve, Herizons, the Plaid Zebra, xoJane, and more.

Leave a Reply