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7 fun ways to get surreptitiously kinky in public

It’s been hotly debated whether it’s possible to get kinky in public in an ethical way. Broadly speaking, as long as you’re not including other people in your play without their consent, making anyone uncomfortable, or causing obstructions (like an extra-long line for the bar bathroom), you’re probably in the clear – but use your best judgment, of course!

Here are 7 hot ways you can bring your kink out into the open…

1. Wear lingerie under your clothes. Delicate underthings, from bodysuits to garter belts to thongs, can put a spring in your step like nothing else. They’re a sexy secret you can keep to yourself or share with a partner or friend – by, say, popping into a public bathroom to take some mid-day surreptitious lingerie selfies!

2. Wear a collar or choker. In the kink community, collars are often associated with dominant/submissive dynamics – a dominant may, for example, buy their submissive a collar with the intention that the sub will wear it daily (or as agreed upon) as a reminder of their respective roles in their relationship. But even if you’re just wearing one because you like it, a collar can be a subtle signal of potential compatibility to other kinksters you may encounter while out and about.

3. Write words on a partner’s body – or have them write words on yours – before you get dressed and go out. Whether you choose to write nice things (“my sweet little angel,” “you are loved”) or naughtier things (“daddy’s property,” “cum slut”), this can be a fun way of feeling connected to, marked by, or “owned” by a partner.

4. Wear a fragrance that turns you on. Perhaps your partner’s perfume or cologne gets your heart racing because of the past associations you have with that scent; perhaps there’s a relaxing bath oil that can double as a soothing perfume; perhaps you prefer to make your own blends of essential oils such as peppermint or lavender. Scent can drastically change your mood and overall “vibe,” sometimes in sexy ways.

5. Experiment with public sadomasochism. This doesn’t have to be as showy as an exhibitionistic flogging scene in a dungeon – it can be as subtle as a partner reaching across the table on a dinner date to surreptitiously scratch or pinch the skin on your arms, as a teaser for the kinky adventures you’ll have later when you’re alone.

6. Flag your desires with the “hanky code.” Originating in the gay male community back when it was much less safe to be publicly “out” as queer, the hanky code is a system for signaling your favorite kinks via a handkerchief you wear on your person. Typically hankies are worn in the back pocket of your pants – the left side for topping/domming, the right side for bottoming/subbing – so, for example, if you wear a fuchsia hankie in your left-hand pocket, it means you’re into spanking people (if they want that, of course). Cool!

7. Use a remotely-controllable sex toy. The We-Vibe Chorus, for instance, is a vibrator that stimulates both the G-spot and the clitoris simultaneously, and can be controlled via either its included remote or We-Vibe’s smartphone app. This type of toy is fantastic for sexy dinner dates, public-bathroom pleasures, and romps in the park, among other situations.

katewritesaboutsex

Kate Sloan is a journalist, blogger, podcaster, and educator who has been writing about sex online and in print for over five years. She writes about sex, kink, relationships, fashion, beauty, writing, and mental health. She has been voted a Kinkly.com Sex Blogging Superhero for four years running, and her words reach over 22,000 sex nerds, weirdos and queerdos every month. As a journalist and essayist, Kate has written for Glamour, Teen Vogue, Daily Xtra, the Establishment, Maisonneuve, Herizons, the Plaid Zebra, xoJane, and more.

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