Whether you call it talking dirty, aural sex, or something else, it’s clear that saying (or hearing) filthy things during sex can be hugely exciting. Here are some of the key benefits of incorporating dirty talk into your sex life…
1. It’s a turn-on! This is perhaps the most obvious and most common reason to talk dirty to a partner. Many people find that erotic language kickstarts their arousal, helps them get into a sexy headspace, and even makes it easier to achieve orgasm – whether they’re the one saying the words or the one listening to them (or both!).
2. It’s a method of giving sexual feedback. Sure, you could sit down across from your partner at the breakfast table one morning and say, “I like giving you oral sex and would like to do it more often,” but isn’t it sexier to moan “I wanna taste you” while rolling around in bed together? Dirty talk is also a hot and subtle way to ask for adjustments in technique, e.g. “I love when you lick me in circles” or “Fuck me harder, please!”
3. It can be kinky as hell. In fact, some kinks don’t really work without some kind of dirty talk – especially those that are more verbally or psychologically based, like roleplay, humiliation, and degradation. Additionally, if there’s a kink you and your partner are curious about but nervous to actually try, talking dirty about it in bed is a great way to test the waters.
4. It can help you stay present. If you struggle with a wandering mind, or even dissociation, during sex, you might find it helpful to talk dirty, or to listen to your partner doing so. This practice requires you to be mentally present and paying attention, at least if you’re going to do it well, and it can therefore be a useful tether to reality.
5. It can help develop sexual agency. Many people, especially women, find it difficult to communicate their sexual fantasies and desires, because of cultural conditioning that says sex is a topic best left undiscussed, and that people who do discuss it are “slutty” or otherwise bad in some way. This can create lasting damage, including an internal sense that your desires don’t matter or are too shameful to speak of, even if they’re actually perfectly normal. Asking for what you want out loud during sex can help you flex those sexual self-expression muscles.
6. It’s useful for establishing consent. The sexually uninformed will sometimes argue that “there’s no sexy way to ask for consent,” but that just isn’t true at all. Have those people never heard of dirty talk?! Sure, you could take a by-the-books approach and ask “May I touch you here?” about every body part you intend to stimulate – and some people, quite reasonably, may prefer that – but you could also say, “Would you like my fingers deep inside you, baby?” or “I want to fuck your wet mouth” and see what they say. Any tools that make consent conversations easier to navigate are worth having in your back pocket!
Is dirty talk a part of your sex life? What roles does it play for you and your partner(s)?