5 Tips For an Impactful Spanking

5 Tips For an Impactful Spanking

Newbies to BDSM, and even some kink veterans, often mistake spanking for a simple activity. All you’re doing is slapping an ass – what could be simpler, right? But in reality, spanking can be highly nuanced and can vary a ton from session to session. Here are 5 tips for making sure your spankings have an impact (in a good way)!

Set intentions beforehand

People enjoy getting hit for a variety of reasons, and they can also enjoy doing the hitting for a variety of reasons. Before exploring spanking with someone new, sit down and have a chat about each of your limits, preferences, and reasons for being intrigued by spanking. Is the pain a punishment, or a reward? Are you in the mood for playful swats, or an all-out beating? What will you look and sound like if you’re having fun, and how will that change if you’re not having fun anymore? Lay all this out in advance and you’ll both have a much better time of it. And don’t forget to choose a safeword!

Escalate gradually

As with many sexual activities, spanking benefits greatly from “foreplay” and warm-up. Don’t just start beating someone’s ass at full-tilt, unless you know for a fact that they want you to! Start by lightly slapping the entire area until it becomes warm to the touch and you’re both ready for more.

Check in

You both need to know how the other is feeling at all times, and there are ways to check without ruining the mood. For example, try using a 1-to-10 scale to rate some of the hits, to give the top a better sense of the bottom’s pain tolerance. Or try using a green/yellow/red scale to communicate when everything’s great, when a limit is being approached, and when that limit has been reached.

Experiment with implements

A bare hand is wonderful, but impact toys can help you mix things up and try different sensations. Try a flogger, paddle, or whip to see which you prefer. Implements can also be helpful when the person administering the spanking inevitably gets a sore hand after a while!

Aftercare, aftercare, aftercare

Pain and kink can bring up intense emotions, so it’s important to re-ground yourselves and each other after a scene. Whether you tend to need cuddling, snacks, intense debriefing conversations, or distance and space – or some combination thereof – identify your aftercare needs and then do your best to give your partner what they need, too.


Putting these tips into action should help you co-create the spanking scene of your dreams!

About author


Kate Sloan is a journalist, blogger, podcaster, and educator who has been writing about sex online and in print for over five years. She writes about sex, kink, relationships, fashion, beauty, writing, and mental health. She has been voted a Kinkly.com Sex Blogging Superhero for four years running, and her words reach over 22,000 sex nerds, weirdos and queerdos every month.

She has been quoted and featured in the Daily MailGlamour, Daily Xtra, Shameless, Dame, and more. Kate also co-hosts The Dildorks, a weekly podcast for sex nerds, along with her best friend Bex Caputo.

As a journalist and essayist, Kate has written for Glamour, Teen Vogue, Daily Xtra, the Establishment, Maisonneuve, Herizons, the Plaid Zebra, xoJane, and more.

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